Jesus Hold You

It's a prayer.  A 3-word prayer.  "Jesus hold you." And I prayed it a lot this summer.  Yes, I know, something isn't right about the grammar.

If you've read my earlier blog posts, you may remember one about William's favorite phrases.  A common one became "Amma hold you!" (Or substitute "Mommy" or "Daddy"). At first it was literal and meant "I want you to hold me."  But later, it was just an expression of need.  Something is wrong! I don't like this! I need comfort! Or even, I don't know what I need or want or how to ask for it! Help! He would even say it while he was being held.

Often during this summer I felt like William when it came to prayer.  I just didn’t have the right words or even know exactly what I was asking. 

I thought about one of my favorite verses:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26

And if there was ever I time I felt weak and didn’t know what I ought to pray – this was it.  And God – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – is like a loving parent, a mother and a father, that comforts his children.

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

Isaiah 66:13 NIV

“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

Romans 8:15-16 NIV

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" I John 3:1a

So, knowing these promises, I just said “Jesus hold you. Jesus hold you. Jesus hold you.”  And my prayer was honored.

Now that I am back in a place where I can pray more carefully worded, thought-out prayers, I don’t know that there will ever be a more sincere one that the 3-word one.  Or maybe I’ll get really wordy:

Father hold you. Jesus hold you.  Spirit hold you. Amen.

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.”

Psalm 18:16 NIV

NICU days by the numbers

Somehow I feel the need to quantify the experience we had from May 1 to August 6.

98 - The total number of days Laura and Isaac were patients at Norfolk General and CHKD (Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters).

77 - The number of days between Isaac's birth and his discharge (or the number of days in the NICU.)

308 - Number of drives through tunnels to and from Norfolk.  That's two tunnels each way: the Monitor Merrimack Bridge Tunnel (which William enjoyed saying) and the Midtown Tunnel (toll tunnel).

500 (approx) - Number of times Laura pumped milk before actually breastfeeding Isaac.

1500oz - Amount of milk Laura donated to the milk bank just before leaving the hospital.  Yes, that's right.  And that was less than half of what they had stored in the freezer.  Milk pumped while she was on antibiotics could not be donated :(.  But think how many little bitty preemies will be helped! She is a rock star at the milk bank.

2 - The number of (white) women without visible tattoos in and around the hospital.  And they were Laura and me.  Haha....ok maybe that's an exaggeration.  But they were VERY prevalent.

.19 miles - the distance Laura had to walk from her courtesy room in Norfolk General to the bedside in the NICU to feed Isaac.  The final week or two this included feedings at 11pm and 2am.  The walk was indoors but included an elevator ride and requests to pass through security and to enter the NICU.  When Isaac moved to the stepdown unit, there was a second elevator ride and additional walk.

25,000 - The number of germs per square inch on your cell phone (according to a new sign in the NICU which asked you to keep your phone in a ziplock bag).

4 - number of birthdays celebrated while at the hospital.  Laura (May 8), Michael (July 31), William (July 24), and of course, Isaac (May 22). My birthday (August 9) occurred on my last day in Virginia, but Isaac was home!

2 - The number of Sundays I attended worship during this time.  Both were in July and at First Pres Norfolk, near the hospital.

20-30 - The number of containers of hummus purchased and eaten, paired with yellow/orange peppers and/or pita chips (Harris Teeter brand is the best!)

10-15 - The number of boxes of Frosted Mini Wheats purchased and eaten (mostly by Laura and Michael). As the summer progressed, William also began requesting "Daddy's cereal"

90-100 - The range you wanted Isaac to stay in for oxygen saturation.  Lower numbers resulted in beeping or even a "de-sat" :(

100-200 - The range you wanted Isaac's heartrate to stay in.  Lower numbers resulted in beeping or even a brady :(

0 - The number of movies, sporting events, or cookouts attended. Beach/lake trips or summer vacation of any kind taken.  Visits to you-pick farm or farmers' market. Non-essential shopping trips. Graduations/weddings/showers or other family celebrations attended. 

6 - Other babies in pod E with Isaac.

70- Total capacity of CHKD NICU.

1140 grams - Isaac's weight at birth (2lbs 8oz).

2500 grams - Isaac's weight at discharge (5 lbs 8oz)

125 - The number of days/nights I have spent in Virginia in 2015.

123 - The number of nights Laura had spent in her new Virginia home in 2015 as of August 9 when I left.  (Yes...I spent more time in her home than she did...)

8 - Number of days before Laura was able to kiss Isaac.

12 days - Isaac's age when he received his first tiny tube feeding of mother's milk.

20 days - Isaac's age when Laura first held him.

30 days- Isaac's age when William first met him.

35 days - Number of days Isaac spent on the jet ventilator.  Laura can now hold Isaac every day.

36 days - Isaac's age when Michael first held Isaac.

38 days - Isaac's age when he extubated himself. And his first audible cry.

22 weeks - earliest gestational arrival of a baby in our pod: Jayson.  He went home after 6 months.

154 - Number of nursing shifts during our stay (77x2)

75ish - Number of different nurses that cared for Isaac.  This was very disconcerting.  We would have loved more continuity.

60 days - Isaac's age at first breastfeed.

64 days - Isaac's age on William's 2nd birthday when he could begin visiting every day.

1 - The number of nights spent at the Ronald McDonald house.  MUCH better accommodations than the hospital courtesy room.  But they lived 5 miles too close to qualify for an extended stay there.

12 - Approximate number of meals provided by new Yorktown friends (mostly from church). Note to self:  Enchilada casserole is very popular. Remember to bring something else!

Countless: expressions of love, caring, and support in the form of calls, texts, emails, notes, packages and gifts, caring bridge comments, meals, visits, and prayer. Thank you to friends, family, church family, and even strangers.

The brown car

Ok. Not sure it was really brown, but it was one of those nondescript colors sedans come in. (William had to call it something.) And it was parked in Laura and Michael's yard just beside the driveway for several months. This was a favor to a family at their church who needed a place to park it while he was deployed and she went to Minnesota to be with family. 

So it has been kind of a landmark in the yard. William always likes to look at the tires of any car parked outside. And there was a patch of clover (many 4-leafed!) behind the card. And most exciting of all, the 'white light' was just beyond it. (Somehow the lamppost mysteriously received this name)

The car became a part of the landscape. So when Don was visiting and asked the last time the car had been started, Michael and I said 'Well....'  Yes, of course, the battery was dead. There was nothing to be done at that point. 

Fast forward to Tuesday of this week. I was tired. This was day three with no nap. (If that sounds weird: trust me, this is a mandatory nap situation). I was home with William and had just put him down for his nap and was expecting Laura within an hour or so for a visit at home. I headed for the couch, anticipating a little quiet time alone. Then Laura called. The car's owner, Phil, had arrived at the Newport News airport and was coming to pick up the car. What? That's awfully short notice! Grrrr ..there goes my nap...

Soon there was a knock at the door. I grabbed the keys and slipped onto the porch thinking we could quietly go out and get his car ready to go. I didn't want to risk waking William with talking. I'm embarrassed to say I probably wasn't even very welcoming or friendly. He took his keys and unlocked his car then transported his heavy-looking army duffles from the curb where the cab had dropped him to his car's back seat. 

I took the van key and went in the garage to start the van. And ....nothing.  Its battery was also dead. Ok then. Finally some sense of hospitality kicked in and I invited him into the house for a glass of water. It was a hot, humid afternoon. There was nothing to do now but wait for Laura to arrive in Michael's RAV4. 

We sat in the den and I found a bowl of watermelon in the refrigerator to offer him. He made a quick call to arrange himself a room for the night somewhere on base.  We talked about where he had been (Kuwait) and about his family. He has two children: one near WIlliam's age and a 7-week-old he has never met.  I told him I have been away from my family and it has made me really appreciate those in the military and their sacrifice apart from their families. We agreed on how great Skype and FaceTime are.

In about 20 minutes Laura arrived, greeted Phil, and pretty quickly got him on his way. But before he left, he helped me roll the van out of the garage. I left the task of jumping off and battery replacement for a little later. Laura and I got a little rest in before William woke. 

There are many days I spend time feeling sorry for myself. Mostly for things that are just uncomfortable or inconvenient. Then I realize I'm not the only one in a difficult situation. In fact, there are certainly some much worse. Likely many here in this hospital and particularly in the NICU. 

So days when I feel like complaining, or more likely, actually DO complain, maybe I'll think of the brown car and what it represents. 

The light at the end of the tunnel

In the past I would have thought this a perfectly fine metaphor....even up until very recently.  But now, it has worn out its welcome for me. 

You would think this would be perfect for our current situation here with Isaac: a prolonged dark, difficult period that will eventually end. But it's not that simple. 

For example, driving to and from Norfolk there are two tunnels you must pass through. So, seeing 'the light at the end of the tunnel' is just temporary. After the Monitor-Merrimack Memorial Bridge Tunnel (which by the way has an ENTIRELY too long name), there is yet another tunnel to pass through- the Midtown tunnel which ends very near the hospital.  And of course, on the return trip the same is true - in reverse order. 

This has been a multi-tunnel experience and will continue to be. And sometimes even exiting a tunnel doesn't bring sunshine. There are dark and rainy days. 

Maybe one day I'll be able to look back at this as one long tunnel that I no longer travel through, but for now I have to be content with sections of sunshine along the way. 

“You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.”

2 Samuel 22:29 NIV

William dictionary

Anyone who has spent time with a toddler knows they have their own language and it sometimes needs a little translation. So here's a little peek into WIlliam's linguistic world. 

"Amma hold you" - a few months ago, this literally meant 'pick me up'. It now means, I feel insecure! Comfort me!  I don't like what is happening! Synonyms are "mommy hold you" and "daddy hold you". 

"Make ding ding" - William decided a few weeks ago he enjoying making sounds by banging a wooden spoon on things. There is a little metal plant stand out in the screened porch that is especially nice. 

"Baba" - William's comfort blankie is a set of Laura's pajamas. They are required for naps and bedtime and other snuggly moments. The primary 'baba' is the bottom, as he prefers the elastic. ' Second baba' (pajama top) is an acceptable substitute. 

"Cow bunnies" - This all started because William really enjoys a type of cracker called "bunny crackers". I ended up buying another brand of similar organic crackers that are shaped like cows and the earth (I have no idea why). We told him the cow crackers are like bunny crackers....thus, 'cow bunnies!'

"Sis! Sis!" -  used when pointing at a thing or picture and means "what is this??!"

"Place-to-park" - any parking deck, particularly the visitor parking at the hospital. 

"No that one!" - he does not want to hear that song (sung by me or played on YouTube)

"Ca-woo" - carry you.  As in "Amma ca-woo downstairs"

"Wittle man" - Lego people. 

"Have it!"  - I want that! Give it to me! (Often followed by, "William, how do you ask?)

"Hmmmmm".....- William's response when he doesn't know the answer to your question. 

"Juicy gig" - nonsense word that makes William laugh. It all started when I was cutting a watermelon and he tasted it and we said it was juicy. Can't remember how it evolved to this this. :)

"Night night to Amma"- I'm sure you can guess... Someone says 'say night night to Amma" and that's what he does. 

"Uh-oh garbage!" Or "uh-oh cabinet!" - the lid to the garbage can is open or the cabinet door is open. Close it!

"Mac-n-n-cheese" - he insists on the extra middle syllable :)

Forty days

I just realized this morning that yesterday was day 40 for Isaac in the NICU. This isolette with its quilted cover has been all he's known. 

40 days is, of course, a common theme in the Bible. It generally is a time of testing or trial. Yes...that it has been!  Isaac has been subject to a lot of intervention, discomfort and pain during this time-- as have his parents (and me). We have known fear, and sadness, and exhaustion. It's been a long 40 days. 

Today they rolled out that isolette and brought in this bassinet! The kind a 'normal' newborn would be placed in at birth. Now we can go in and look right at his sweet face and touch his little peach fuzz head. And we can pick him up (carefully!) and hold him!  

This morning Laura spent some time holding him and when she put him back down, changed his diaper,etc, he got very awake. He seemed to want to take in the new scenery that was above his bed now. He was awake and alert for so long, Laura couldn't drag herself from his bedside. She only did because she needed to be home soon so that Michael could go in to work (plus have her time with William.)

This may not be the end to our NICU experience, but we are grateful that those 40 days of trial are past! Thank you God!

The Wall

You know, the wall you hit when you can't summon up the physical or emotional strength to go forward. Well I've hit it a few times over the last weeks. And I know Laura and Michael have. 

Today was one of those days. It probably started last night, which was actually a night of celebration. We were all at the hospital and so happy that Isaac was no longer on a ventilator and continuing to do well. We decided to 'go out'. We had to wander a bit because the first place we chose was drive through/ take out only. So by the time we sat down with our dinner at Panera Bread it was quite a bit past our usual 5:30 dinner time. And by the time I dropped Laura and Michael back at the hospital and got home with William and readied him for bed it was nearly 9. Pretty late for 23 months old. 

Then I probably stayed up too late. I was catching up with some Huntsville friends via text at a reasonable hour in central time, but 'too late' for a tired Amma in eastern time. Then I got the 5:54 wake-up call: "Amma Amma Amma".  So, we got on with our Monday. 

One of Laura's friends invited me to bring William to the park where a group of moms was meeting. I decided it might not be a bad idea to give William a change of scenery and some interaction with other children. (He has lived in an almost exclusively adult world in recent months). So, after a trip to TJmaxx (yes after 4 months...surprise! Your toddler's clothes are too small😃) we headed to the park. 

The other moms were kind and friendly, but I mainly followed William around and we slid down the slide many times (only together! William is not daring). So soon we said our goodbyes and I tried to get William home awake and ready for lunch before his nap. In spite of that, he decided to fight going to sleep. He is almost always pretty easy and cooperative at bedtime and nap time, but today....  

He finally gave in and went to sleep and I took the opportunity to rest myself. But he decided to nap short today and "Amma!" woke me from my sleep. 

I was tired and William got up on the wrong side of the bed. He could only be pleased if sitting in my lap while watching Binkie TV videos on my iPad. We sat by the big front window watching for 'Amma's blue car' meaning mommy was home for the afternoon. Then I got a text saying there was a new caring bridge post. 

For whatever reason, God had put on Laura's heart to say some encouraging words about me today. I cried. I had to explain to William, "I'll be right back.  Amma needs a tissue"

I am still tired. And weepy. But I am thankful for answered prayers from those who have prayed for our strength and rest and perseverance and encouragement. 

The complex life of a bottle of breast milk

You pump the milk into these little bottles and they feed it to Isaac. How complicated can it be...?

Well it's very complicated. Laura is pumping 8 times per day to both provide milk for Isaac now (by feeding tube) and to be ready to breastfeed as soon as he is able. Yes, that's about every three hours- day and night- at home, in her hospital room, and in the NICU beside Isaac.  She has calculated that she pumps at least a half gallon daily! That's a lot of milk! She has a different pump in each location. One belongs in the NICU, one was provided by their insurance, and one was a hand-me-down from a friend when Wiliam was born. She has several sets of pump parts which is nice, because they require washing each time and that gets you through until morning without a washing! 

(The pump in the NICU. William calls this one the 'big pump' )

(We had a laugh over this at home one day. Yes... this is actually a shop vac )

First, realize that she began pumping immediately after Isaac's birth and he was not given milk for his first 11 days due to blood pressure issues early on. And then, of course, the feed quantities were small. So...she got WAY ahead on production.  We had an issue...where to keep all this milk? The NICU has storage for each patient, but Laura's was full in just a couple of days. Soon Laura and I ended up in Sam's buying a chest freezer.  That one filled and they borrowed another! 

The milk is carefully labeled in the bottles to identify it as Laura's. She has printed labels provided to her in the NICU in addition to orange ones that she labels with date and time.  And for the first 30 days we put orange dots on each lid. Apparently during that time the milk is higher in calories. The bottled milk is then place in specially sized zip lock bags that hold 4 bottles. 

Now, what to do with this fresh milk? Freeze it, of course! So, if Laura is in her room, she keeps it in the little dorm freezer.  If she is in the NICU, someone has to walk it back to the room. I've done it many times (like tonight). I feel kind of funny walking the halls and riding the elevator with it....haha 😝.  And on days Laura is home that's easiest. It just goes right in the chest freezer. 

Now for frozen milk transportation: the dorm freezer gets full every day or so and it has to come home with whomever is driving home next. We always have small coolers and ice packs making the trip. 

But what about when Isaac needs more milk? Laura checks with a nurse to see how much space is free and she passes the word to whomever is home and we load the milk up and bring it right to the NICU! 

Currently Isaac receives his feeds via tube. So they put the correct amount in large syringe and warm it in this special device. 

After it is just right, it is put into this device which delivers it right to his belly! 

Thank you, mommy milk, for fattening Isaac up to 4+ pounds 😀😄

Wait and be patient

One of William's new interests is the traffic lights we see on the way to and from Norfolk each day.  Between riding with Michael or me, he has learned that "green light means go" and "red light means stop".  But he also has learned that the red light doesn't always turn green quickly. Neither Michael nor I remember telling him this, specifically, but when at a red light he now says "Wait and be patient."

It occurs to me that this is what we are trying to do now.  Wait and be patient for Isaac's lungs to grow and heal and for his heart to function better. And for him to just grow.  And it's not a linear process.  There are starts and stops and delays and backtracking.  It is very hard to wait and be patient. But we keep at it.  Day by day.  Just trying to enjoy the sweet moments and the successes as they come.

Pictures and captions

This is what Laura spends a lot of time doing....holding Isaac's hand! However, our biggest prayer is that he will be off the jet (ventilator) within a week and she will be holding him often!  Other benefits of being off the jet are that he will be dressed and/or swaddled, and, I think, advancing to a crib from the isolette.  I look forward to these advances! Also, they should soon remove the picc line in his right hand and it will be free for holding too.  Maybe tomorrow! He no longer gets meds or feedings that way, but they left it in for a few extra days "just in case".  

Why a picture of a hallway?  We see a lot of this empty hallway - but not many people do.  This is the back way between Norfolk General (where we sleep/stay) and CHKD where the NICU is located.  In order to take this route, you have to get admitted by security.  Push the button and they say "May I help you?" and you say "Patterson" and they will open the doors for you.  



Here is Isaac sleeping in his Amma's preferred pose :)  Ask Don.  I like to flail my arms around!  Which is all fine for me, but it sometimes causes problems when Isaac does it.  He stays calmer with better O2 saturation with his arms tucked in.  But he usually manages to work them free.



Here is William in the waiting room.  There are a few toys and a box of broken crayons to entertain him while he waits here (which is not too often).  See the orange stickers/dots?  We had to put one of them on every bottle of Laura's breast milk for the first 30 days. (Can you believe Isaac is now one month old?)  Apparently breast milk after premature births has higher caloric value than full-term milk for the first 30 days.  Cool.

A quiet evening spent in the NICU.  While the rest of you folks were at the beach or by the lake over the weekend, we listened to the beep beeps here.  We love it when the night shift nurses are more quiet.  And so does Isaac, who doesn't like a lot of noise :(

Some of you may have read on Caring Bridge that William had his first meeting with Isaac. Here they are, waiting to go back.  Their escort is on the phone asking if it is ok to come in. In fact, you have to pick up that phone every time you visit unless someone is working at the desk.  I say ' grandma for baby Patterson' and they check with the nurse in the pod and then say 'you can come back'. Then the door unlocks. 

Grandma for baby Patterson signing off :)

Tiny, tiny clothes

Several days ago Isaac passed the weight limit for being dressed or swaddled. However, most nurses prefer to keep him in the warm bed (isolette) and undressed since he is on the ventilator and they can see his chest. We hope soon he will move to the CPAP and off the ventilator so he can wear his tiny clothes! And mostly so Laura can hold him!  (And for those of you grown-ups who use a CPAP or know about them....it is the same! Only smaller.)

Here are some of Isaac's clothes the day I washed them (preemie size: 3-5 lbs). iPhone 5 for perspective!

Also new for Isaac is this beautiful handmade quilt. It will go over Isaac's mattress in his isolette. 

Driving, Parking, Walking, Talking

Driving

Driving Yorktown to Norfolk and vice versa is a big part of this experience.  I'd like to say it is lovely and scenic, but at least it keeps William interested.

The trip starts with a section of highway that's been under construction since my first visit in January, and shows no appreciable progress.  So many orange barrels!  However, William does love the "big diggers"!  Next comes about 25 miles of interstate highway, featuring the crossing over and under the James River (a tunnel!). The area has a heavy naval presence, as evidenced by the structures along the way and the necessity of tunnels rather than bridges.

The last section of highway ends in another tunnel, this one under the Elizabeth River.  AND...this is a toll road :(.  Not a welcoming thing for us out-of-staters.  But the alternate route is significantly longer and less convenient.  We eventually got "EZ Passes" for our cars. (Michael took on this not-so-easy task).  But a bill for $30 did show up at our Huntsville address for a few drives through the tunnel in my Prius.  The sign says "Pay by Plate" - which means they ID your car by your license plate.

 The drive is about 45 minutes, with an occasional day up to an hour.  Of course, we avoid rush hour when possible.  And you can imagine what happens in or near a tunnel when there is heavy traffic or an accident.  There is no where else to go!

About to enter the final tunnel and the city of Norfolk. 

These cargo boxes (boxcars?) are loaded onto trains which parallel the highway.

Mounds of coal and sprinkler systems to keep it moist.

About to enter the tunnel under the James River.

Inside the tunnel. And the speed limit is 60 in here!

Our EZ Pass device

Sometimes part of the job as driver is to monitor the sleep patterns of your passenger. 

 Good luck keeping him awake on a day like this one!

Parking

I don't have much to say about this except it is not my best skill.  And you get tired of the parking deck (a.k.a. "place-to-park" in William's terms).  Now I know why I transitioned to my smaller Prius.  I can park it so much better than the minivan.

The other parking issue is making mental note of where you parked. You might drive that same car home later that day, or the next day.  Or, someone else may drive it back home.  So you always have to be ready with the location: 4th floor to the right, on the ramp between 2 and 3, etc.

Walking

Part of me wants to count the steps or somehow measure the distance between the parking deck and the hospital, and between the two hospitals. At least I can say I get some exercise each day!  The walk from the parking deck is across a fairly large green space.  That is nice, but there is no shelter from rain or sun.  Thankfully, there have only been a couple of days I've had to cross with an umbrella.  Along these walks (the outside part), William keeps his eyes peeled for dandelions!

Another thing I've noticed about walking is this.  I prefer to walk faster than most people!  This actually surprises me a little.  But there are many times I "pass" people in the hallway when they are just sauntering along.  Apparently it's a pet peeve of mine I didn't realize.

Talking

And speaking of things I didn't realize, I didn't know what my words of "frustration" were until now. William will let you know what you say! Thankfully it is nothing offensive.  Apparently it is most commonly "Phooey!"   This all started one night when I decided to sing William the Chiquita Banana song.  I started and then was not sure of the words and stopped to say "phooey!".  He thought it was just hilarious.  He laughed and laughed.  After that we have to add "phooey" to the lyrics each time.  

Another day while leaving the parking deck, apparently I disapproved of the other drivers and said "mercy!".  Now William will frequently say "Amma says mercy in place-to-park"!

So, if any of you need a little parrot so you can hear yourself, William is your guy!

Trying to be "normal"

Yesterday Laura and Michael decided it was time to try an outing.  And guess what? The Norfolk Zoo is just 10 minutes from the hospital!  So, Michael was sure to talk it up to William.  He was all ready to see the elephants and giraffes (or so he said).

The timing was tricky with Laura needing to pump every few hours.  So we had a pretty small window of time. And it was a very hot, sunny day - so all of us pale folks spent at least 10 minutes loading up on sunscreen.  To save money, I packed a very compact lunch - 4 PBJs, some sliced apples, and chips.

The first animal we came to was the tiger.  Thankfully a zoo employee pointed him out to us, resting in the shade, or we may have missed him.  We brought William to a nice close vantage point and he looked for a bit, then pointed into the grass and said "buttercups!!"

We just knew that he would feel differently about the giraffes and elephants, with all the preliminary talk...but....William was very interested in the green poles, the trash cans, and the overhead light fixtures and the fact that they were not on.  (Michael had replaced a light bulb at home the night before).  So, we would be standing in a covered area looking out at the elephants and William would only point up and say "light off!"  That boy...

The animal he showed the most interest in was the binturong.  It came very close to us, which I'm sure made a difference.

In the end, we splurged on an extremely overpriced bowl of dip-n-dots.  Everyone was really hot, and Laura is still eating for two!

Today's outing was a birthday party.  A family that Laura and Michael met at church invited them to their son's 3rd birthday party.  Laura and Michael spent the day at the hospital, so I was to meet them at the party (in Newport News) at 4pm.  The hosts are very kind people, but I felt awkward not knowing anyone and being "Amma" and not "mommy".  When Laura and Michael arrived, I decided to let them enjoy and socialize while I made a run to Babies R Us, which was close by.  William enjoyed his time, but is still of the age where he doesn't really interact with the others.  Plus, all of his companions for several months now have been grown-ups! (and some not even young grown-ups...).  In the end, Laura, Michael, and I all agree we feel like misfits in the "real world" for now.

So, for all of you living there now.....we hope to be back with you soon :)

Thanksgiving

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)

Some days it's easy to dwell on the negative. So today, here are things I'm thankful for:

- God's faithfulness and presence. 

- the prayers of so many...plenty that I don't know. And prayers and comments and encouragement for Laura's family from my friends and Covenant family - some who don't even know her!

- packages for Laura from dear friends of mine who care about Laura and Isaac because I do. 

- a room close-by so that we can rest and eat and sleep and still be near Isaac. 

- reliable vehicles and the financial resources to make the daily trip from Yorktown to Norfolk and back 

- Isaac's sweet little peach fuzz head (strawberry blonde)

- Laura and Michael as excellent and loving parents and their example and witness of faith 

- Williams easy-going attitude when we load him up and tote him back and forth. 

- William as source of comic relief (that will have to be a separate post)

- $2 cup of pretty decent coffee at the 1st floor coffee shop (even if it is many hours into the day before I get it)

- kind nurses, nurse practitioners, and doctors

- Guy and Phella who spent a week here to help us catch our breath and allowing Michael to get in several good work days. 

- dandelions and 'noisy blue fans' which are simple entertainment for William

- YouTube. That's right. Now William enjoys Stevie Wonder and Beethoven and the Beatles. 

- FaceTime. It has made such a difference when Laura  and/or Michael are at the hospital and need some time with William. He seems to understand what is happening. He says 'I love you' and kisses the screen. 

- the bunnies we have enjoyed watching in L&Ms yard these past weeks. 

- Mr. Bob and Mrs. Carolyn who have given William toys and been good neighbors and best of all, provided that small dorm refrigerator that has been a life saver. 

- breast pumps in all the locations so that Laura can store up milk for Isaac to use as his intake increases. Laura pumps here in the NICU by Isaac, in the 'hotel' room overnight, and at home while there. As with all things mechanical, William enjoys them. 

- Healthy fresh foods available in stores now: hummus, guacamole, fresh fruits and veggies have sustained us. 

- 15 minutes watching 'The Price Is Right' during my lunch break today. Just so normal...

- blood donors 

- all the special equipment which has sustained Isaac's lungs when they are too young and small to work on their own

- my good relationship with Laura. We have to spend a lot of time together. And that is ok. We've had plenty of laughs and cries now. 

- knowing that Don is holding down the fort in Huntsville - walking Vinny and watering my plants (I hope :))

- knowing that Laura's siblings- Steven, Kaitlin, and Philip- love and care for her family and are praying 

- knowing that Laura and Michael both have praying parents and grandparents supporting them. 

- daily throw-away contacts

<Yes the order of these is random !

And I don't know why my text turned red.>

- my good health so that I can be here

- And for Isaac's life

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV)

Sweet moment

I prayed that God would give Laura some encouragement soon. And today's nurse let her hold Isaac for the first time! She's waited 3 weeks. 

I was here for a hard moment, but today I got to be here for a joyful one

Wrestling with God

That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon. (Genesis 32:22-32 NIV) 

I've read this story plenty of times. But now I'm living it. I pray that I will also overcome and receive God's blessing. 

Precious

Last night we got to weigh Isaac. He is about 3 lbs 3 oz now. He was on his tummy and looked so sweet and cozy, and things seemed 'normal' with so many of his connections out of view. And the 'making good progress' words from the nurse practitioner made it nicer. 

Sweetness. 

That is all. 

Homesick

Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful that I can be here for Laura, Michael, William, and Isaac. But this is not home. 

I miss:

- Don. This is the most I have been apart from him in our marriage. And on June 29 we will celebrate 30 years. He was here for a few days when Isaac was born and he hopes to come again in maybe a few weeks. 

- Vinny (Vincent). Our sweet puppy. I worry he feels deserted by me. But I know Don is taking good care. And I have Calvin here to pet and feed. 

- Worship. Going to church. I last went in April: the week after Easter at Covenant, and the next Sunday with Laura and Michael here. There have been, of course, a lot of prayer and scripture reading, but I miss the gathering together. 

- Time with friends. They have been in touch, but it's not the same as sitting together over lunch or coffee. 

- My co-workers and my place as part of the staff of Covenant.  

- Huntsville. It's a great city. 

- Knowing where stores and restaurants are. And knowing where to find things in those stores. If you think most Walmarts and Targets are laid out similarly...they are not!!

-Publix. How handy that help out to the car would be with a toddler in hand! And a chicken meal with sides from the deli would be nice when cooking can't happen. 

- Barbecue. We wanted some on Memorial Day, but there was none to be found. 

- Bailey Cove Road. 5 glorious lanes and not an orange construction barrel is sight! (The highway on our route every day is under perpetual construction). 

- Beautiful Jones Valley on my drive most days. 

- The farmers market. Oh how I miss those visits to St Thomas and Latham for some fresh fruits and vegetables. 

- The 'green chair' at home for nightly relaxing and TV watching  (specifically House of Cards with Don and Big Bang Theory reruns.)

- Watching the local news with Mark Thornhill, Kim Essex, and Brad Travis. Haha...ok maybe that's just weird. 

- Alabama weather.  That's right...I want that predictably hot and humid summer weather! Recently we walked with William to a nearby playground and it was a rather cool and drizzly outing.  

- Just to be 'normal'. Yesterday Laura and I went to Harris Teeter for some groceries. I told the cashier we didn't have a shopping card because we are from out of town. She said 'oh, you must be here for the festival!'  And we looked at each other and thought 'oh...people do those things!'

This seems like a lot of complaining :(. Tomorrow I will write about things I'm thankful for. 

Laughter

Yesterday marked 5 weeks in the hospital - 3 weeks for Laura in Norfolk General, and 2 more since Isaac was born.  Hard to believe...

It has been hard, tiring, stressful: all the things you would imagine.  There have been tears. But yesterday we laughed.  It was so great.

I was looking at my email and commented that maybe I should have an automatic vacation reply.  Laura said, "well this isn't exactly a vacation!" It lead to a description of our current situation as a vacation.
- A lovely 6th floor view of 2 parking decks and multiple rooftops of medical buildings.
- Fresh linens everyday.  Or whenever you want to walk down the hall to the linen room and get some and put them on yourself.  Fine hospital quality. Mattress firmness questionable.
- Shower conveniently located just down the hall.  Bring your own soap.
- Room furnished with electrical outlets.  Bring your own refrigerator with freezer in case you have breast milk to store. (Yes! Gratefully we have a small dorm refrigerator lent to us by the next door neighbor.  Wow, it has been a life saver!)
- Kitchen just across the hall is helpful, providing large stainless steel sink for those middle-of-the-night pump-washing needs.  Also includes a commercial microwave for warming those gourmet dinners!

- Free "coffee" (on the rare occasion you find cups) - sometimes it is even brown!  Ice and water machine too - sometimes it is brown :(
- Random deactivating of your room key!  Maybe you'll get lucky and it will happen during regular office hours.
- Dining facility has a large sunny window.  Bring your own food and do your own dishes.  TV perpetually shows Divorce Court.  Feel free to turn it down.

- Feel like a V.I.P with your own daily sticker.  Collect them all!

- Want a nice dinner out? Just a short stroll to the Heart Hospital leads you to the Subway Cafe. Elegant decor and actually includes a full-sized Steinway in the adjoining lobby.  (Provide your own pianist).

- Exciting entertainment provided for the young ones, such as these amazing "noisy blue fans" conveniently located in the main hallway following a water leak.

- Toddler William keeps his eye on cleanliness throughout the facility.  "Uh-OH! Uh-OH!" (what's wrong?) "Piece of trash!! ....Clean it up!!!"

We are thankful that we have come to a place where we can feel silly and laugh.